Jonghyun’s Final Message He Wrote Before Taking His Own Life Released To Fans By His Close Friend

2018-02-24T13:57:40+00:00December 19th, 2017|Categories: Kpop|Tags: , , , |

One of Jonghyun’s very close friends Dear Cloud’s Nine9 has released the idol’s final goodbye letter to the fans.

Dear Cloud’s Nine9 has already been granted permission by Jonghyun’s family to publish the letter, before he released it he wrote a brief caption saying goodbye to Jonghyun, he said,

“I had my final goodbyes with Jonghyun earlier… He was struggling on daily basis and for a period shared his inner dark stories with me… I tried to redirect him to the right path but it all ultimately only delayed his passing…I still can’t believe he’s not a part of this world anymore, its very painful.

After discussing this with his family, we have decided to release his written will… I know it might ignite rumors but I wanted to grant his last wish and thus I made the decision to release the letter.

Please tell him he did well, beautiful Jonghyun, I love you so much and I will continue to love you in the future. Please don’t get hurt there and rest in peace.”

A post shared by 9 (@run_withthewolf) on

Following the small message from 9 he wrote down the idol’s will, have a look,

“I was broken from the inside.

The depression that slowly eaten me, has finally devoured me

I could not beat it.

I hated myself. There was no answer even when I grabbed my disjointed memories and asked them why pull themselves together but I was met with no response.

I’d rather stop if I can’t help myself breath properly

I asked who could be responsible for me.

You’re the one.

Only me.

I was all alone.

It is easy to talk about the end.

It is difficult to actually end.

I have been living in that difficulty.

I wanted to run away.

right. I wanted to run away.

From myself.

From you.

I asked who was there. It was me… it was me again, and again it was me.

I asked myself Why did I lose keep losing my memory? It must be because of my nature. I See. In the end, it’s all my fault.

I wanted you to notice, but nobody knew. They would have never met me so of course they wouldn’t know I exist.

I asked why they live. They just live. Everybody just lived.

If you ask why I died, I would answer that I was exhausted.

I was troubled and worried. I have never learned how to turn pain into bliss and joy.

Pain is just pain.

“Do not do that” they told me.

why? Why can I end thing the way I want to?

They told me to find out why I hurt.

I know it so well. I am sick because of me. It’s all my fault and all because I am lacking.

Did you want to hear that doctor?

I did not do anything wrong.

When the simple voice blamed my personality, I thought, “it must be easy to be a doctor.” It was odd that I hurt so much.

People who were living harder life than me lived on well. People who are weaker than me were also alive.

Maybe its not true. No living person has had it harder than me, and no one is weaker than me.

But I should live on anyway.

I ask myself hundreds of times, not for my own wellbeing but for you.

Please do not say anything if you do not know.

Want to find out why Im hurting? I told you many times. Why is it so wrong to hurt so much because of that? Do you need a more specific dramatic reason? Do you want more specific reasons?

I already told you. Have you not been listening? All you can get through in life is does not scar you.

I guess it was not meant for me to clash with the world.

The life of a celebrity was never meant for me.

So, it was hard. It was hard to be known. Why did I choose it? It’s funny.

It’s something I wondered about for so long.

What can I say. Just tell me that I did well.

That would be enough. Tell me you’ve worked hard.

If you cannot smile, do not blame me on my way.

You did well, and you worked hard.


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  1. Andrea trevino January 14, 2018 4:52 am at 4:52 am - Reply

    When i heard about jonghyun i didnt cry on the outside but on the inside i was crying my heart out i only became a SHINee fan on my bday December 15 2017 and i just couodnt beleive that he died “We will miss you our angle rest in peace”

    • Kaelyn January 16, 2018 2:03 am at 2:03 am - Reply

      I am crying on the outside and inside. He will still remain my bias forever and always. He passed away just before my 16th birthday on the 20th.

      • Liyah January 19, 2018 10:56 am at 10:56 am - Reply

        When i heard about Jonghyun’s death at first i couldnt believe it i thought it was a sick joke but when i look online and saw it. I was in shock the whole day only for the next day to arrive and the tears to finally release. I have been a fan of shinee for years they were the first kpop group ive ever listened to. They helped me with my depression. Jonghyun will remain a legend. He will never be forgotten.

  2. KpopL January 27, 2018 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm - Reply

    “Death is not the answer.” I wanted to tell this to JongHyun.. But, this is his descession and we can’t do anything to change that.

  3. Xeris February 1, 2018 4:03 am at 4:03 am - Reply

    I had just became a shinee fan before the day of Jonghyun’s death. I thought it wasn’t true but as I looked on Twitter and YouTube it was official, I was completely dumbfounded and overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe what I was reading and after reading I started crying and I haven’t cried in a long time.
    Jonghyun you will be missed ❤ you worked hard, you did good, not everyone is perfect but at least you tried your best and that’s what counts. Your fans are proud of you and I’m very sure the members of your group are proud of you♡ You’ve come a long way but at least now you are finally at peace and resting.

  4. MyLi February 3, 2018 12:17 am at 12:17 am - Reply

    It’s incredibly sad death was the only way out for him. He must have felt so lonely. My heart hurts for him. I hope his suffering is over now and he gets all the peace and love he deserves so much.

  5. JongHyun February 3, 2018 1:26 pm at 1:26 pm - Reply

    I’m crying
    I wished I could give everything back he gived to me…
    I .. .. I know it’s kind of weird .. but … I have depressions and everytime .. I listened to them .. to their voices .. when I looked at them .. when they’re together and smiling … I just forgot how lonly I am .. and I forget about everything that makes me sad..
    I was hurting myself and .. My class is bullying me .. I hate myself.. I hate everthing about me .. I talked to my only friend… but we lived 300 km away so … we can’t see each other … I tried to talk to her … but I can’t . Maybe she would hate me too , she would ignore me ..? Finally I talked to her .. and then .. she just told me :,, Please don’t kill yourself … If you do that you just give your pain to important people .. people who loved you….. people like me ..” At that time she was into Kpop and she just sent me a link … at first I tought what ?! But I started to like it and listen to it everyday … I felt so much better .

    …. I Can’t believe he really passed away..

    I will always remember you jonghyun… </3

  6. Sattareh Montaseri February 8, 2018 6:16 pm at 6:16 pm - Reply

    It took me about 2-3 weeks to find out about jonhyun’s death and I hated myself for it.

    To mourn is to feel pain

    I cried a lot about jonhyun’s passing and I didn’t even know him as a close friend or as a fan. I cried because he was 27 years old not the age to die at all. He had so many things he should’ve done like have children fine a wife see his grandchildren or nieces/nephews. I cried because I saw a person who was being devoured by himself,depression,fame and he couldn’t handle it. I cried because he was a person who lost his life and my humanity is still intact and I’m not blaming anybody I’m making a point but these so call “fans” (saesang and netizens) have none there aim is to make k-pop idols question themselves and their lifestyle choices and to just plainly feel worse about themselves. Music is about creativity,emotion and expression and music artists share that with us to make us feel better so thank you all music artists and thank you Kim jonhyun you did so so well res in piece angel

    RIP Kim jonghyun~

  7. Ian H March 24, 2018 10:20 am at 10:20 am - Reply

    This death meant alot to my emotions… mom is so rude…..she kept this a secret from me for so long…….now seeing this note fills me with dispair…

    • Jazmine K March 24, 2018 12:41 pm at 12:41 pm - Reply

      don’t blame your mom,it hurt us all so bad, I understand that your mom didn’t want to hurt your feelings 🙁

  8. Elizabeth April 1, 2018 7:10 am at 7:10 am - Reply

    I want to tell him so many things, I want to rewind and tell him it ok! That he should run away! God I love him so much and I really hope your happy,that’s all you ever needed!! Rest In Peace Jonghyun!

  9. ashim April 2, 2018 1:50 am at 1:50 am - Reply

    im so sad as to what happened to jonghyun. i love him so much and i will forever love him. all we can do now is to pray 4 the members of shinee. and to everyone out there death is not the answer. he obviously had his reasons but that shouldnt have been the answer. i hope wherever he is now he finds it better than it was here on earth. saranghaeyo jonghyun. you will always be in my heart. #shineewillalwaysbefive

  10. Lizzie May 21, 2018 10:41 am at 10:41 am - Reply

    I cried my heart out, the moment i saw the clip of his funeral, i couldn’t hold my tears any longer. It disnt stop,. He was a very happy person but had a dark secret. We should always look out for each other. Jonghyun you wilo always be remembered

  11. Ayesha Masoodi May 21, 2018 10:38 pm at 10:38 pm - Reply

    You did well ! And if YOU know that about yourself that’s just enough. Because at the end of the day being able to hold your OWN gaze with pride is what matters tbh. The moment you start to expect and to seek you’re done.! This world is a crazy place. We gotta learn to become content of ourselves. It’s a beautiful thing to do you know to accept who you are and everything you already have .
    Well, all that requires focus which seems to be lacking a lot.

    RIP jonghyun! I’m actually happy that you’ve successfully escaped this circus called ‘world’
    Everything that has been created are meant to be destroyed.
    I pray for the fellow survivors peace.

  12. Ai September 16, 2018 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm - Reply

    So many ifs. There’s no use of it. Let him go but never forget the best version of himself. We have to live, I am sure, he did not wish for any of us, to ever go through the pain he felt. Live for yourself, for the future and for him.

  13. Francis October 9, 2018 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm - Reply


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